 | ||||||
| kata rafi, "kok mirip bgt ys?" |
Get well soon my squiddy!!!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
i know i just torturing myself. i know everything that happened was really fast. But my heart will explode and my brain is like.. oh my god it's going to be freeze.
"Dear you there..
Everything happened between us will be fucked up in seconds if we're still like this. I know you won't try even a tiny little thing. I'm tired over this shit. But i still believe."
i don't to look like a threat but this is just a promise that can make all of this things clear. I'm still waiting until tomorrow and if it not happens, something i really don't want to happen will happen.
"Dear you there..
Everything happened between us will be fucked up in seconds if we're still like this. I know you won't try even a tiny little thing. I'm tired over this shit. But i still believe."
i don't to look like a threat but this is just a promise that can make all of this things clear. I'm still waiting until tomorrow and if it not happens, something i really don't want to happen will happen.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
random
hello! it's been a year and a half. sekarang gue anak UI! dan jurusannya pun jurusan yang gak gue sangka dr dulu. DOKTER GIGI! yeay gue jd dokter. tp masih lama bgt ya.... masih 6 tahun paling lama (insya allah). satu alesan gue kenapa ngepost setelah sekian lama, karena suasana hati gue sedang terombang-ambing. super terombang-ambing. setelah 3 tahun lalu gue di'bimbing' di SMA gue selama setahun. Sekarang gue harus ngejalanin another ospek-ospekan yang lebih super lagi dan SMA ga ada apa apa nya ya.... gue capek... sumpah
Satu lagi.. Rafi
ga nyangka setelah 2 tahun 3 bulan dan hampir empat bulan sebentar lagi, semuanya udah berubah banget. apalagi dari rafi. Yang tadinya kyknya udah FIX BGT malah jd ngambang ngawur begini. Gue mau mati rasanya. Padahal kepengenan dia banget satu kampus sama gue. Dan bahkan gue bela-belain ngikutin dia sampe ke UI yang super jauh dr rumah gue dan gue harus berjuang setiap hari. Demi biar gue keliatan bagus aja gitu didepan calon mertua (amin). Biar dia juga bangga gitu punya pacar calon dokter, tp bilangnya sih bangga. Tapi sikapnya itu loh, ga kayak bangga menurut gue. Lebih ke arah kalo lagi aloes pasti baik sama gue. Kalo gue salah, pasti berantem udah kyk gas 4kg itu meledak. Ancur deh semuanya. Skrg semuanya begitu lagi. We'll see. Gue bahkan gatau dia dimana skrg. Dia juga gatau gue dimana. Tp emg gue percaya banget karma itu ada. Kalo rafi udah ga butuh gue lagi, yaudah mau diapain lagi kan. Udah 4 hari gue abisin sama nangis dirumah sambil ngerjain tugas seabrek dan bolak balik depok ciledug. itu aja kerjaan gue. BBM rafi juga ga akan dibales. Udah segak penting itu mungkin. kita lihat sampe jam 12 ya.. kalo emg udah saatnya berakhir, akhirnya untuk pertama kalinya gue bakal ngerasain patah hati kayak gini yang biasa dirasain org-org. cuma kenapa ya, saat ga tepat bgt saat gue lagi harus adaptasi juga sama lingkungan yang akan gue jalanin selama 5 tahun kedepan. gue dipaksa juga harus adaptasi sama hubungan gue sama org yang udah selama ini berjasa bgt dalam hidup gue. gue bisa mati kalo ga ada rafi.
seriously raf, wherever you are. i'm dying to talk to you.
Satu lagi.. Rafi
ga nyangka setelah 2 tahun 3 bulan dan hampir empat bulan sebentar lagi, semuanya udah berubah banget. apalagi dari rafi. Yang tadinya kyknya udah FIX BGT malah jd ngambang ngawur begini. Gue mau mati rasanya. Padahal kepengenan dia banget satu kampus sama gue. Dan bahkan gue bela-belain ngikutin dia sampe ke UI yang super jauh dr rumah gue dan gue harus berjuang setiap hari. Demi biar gue keliatan bagus aja gitu didepan calon mertua (amin). Biar dia juga bangga gitu punya pacar calon dokter, tp bilangnya sih bangga. Tapi sikapnya itu loh, ga kayak bangga menurut gue. Lebih ke arah kalo lagi aloes pasti baik sama gue. Kalo gue salah, pasti berantem udah kyk gas 4kg itu meledak. Ancur deh semuanya. Skrg semuanya begitu lagi. We'll see. Gue bahkan gatau dia dimana skrg. Dia juga gatau gue dimana. Tp emg gue percaya banget karma itu ada. Kalo rafi udah ga butuh gue lagi, yaudah mau diapain lagi kan. Udah 4 hari gue abisin sama nangis dirumah sambil ngerjain tugas seabrek dan bolak balik depok ciledug. itu aja kerjaan gue. BBM rafi juga ga akan dibales. Udah segak penting itu mungkin. kita lihat sampe jam 12 ya.. kalo emg udah saatnya berakhir, akhirnya untuk pertama kalinya gue bakal ngerasain patah hati kayak gini yang biasa dirasain org-org. cuma kenapa ya, saat ga tepat bgt saat gue lagi harus adaptasi juga sama lingkungan yang akan gue jalanin selama 5 tahun kedepan. gue dipaksa juga harus adaptasi sama hubungan gue sama org yang udah selama ini berjasa bgt dalam hidup gue. gue bisa mati kalo ga ada rafi.
seriously raf, wherever you are. i'm dying to talk to you.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The pieces don't fit anymore
sounds strange, weirdo. i hate this to be exact, and no one will know about how my heart says those words, let me introduce you james morrison's most powerful song called the pieces don't fit anymore, let me sing this to you.. but just a few lines
Well i can't explain why it's not enough cause i gave it all to you, but if you leave me now oh just leave me now, it's a better thing to do, well it's time to surrender it's been too long pretending, there's no use in trying when the pieces don't fit anymore.... Don't misunderstand how i feel, cause i've tried yes i've tried..but STILL i don't know why no i don't know why...
that's it. i just don't know why i have to surrender.
Well i can't explain why it's not enough cause i gave it all to you, but if you leave me now oh just leave me now, it's a better thing to do, well it's time to surrender it's been too long pretending, there's no use in trying when the pieces don't fit anymore.... Don't misunderstand how i feel, cause i've tried yes i've tried..but STILL i don't know why no i don't know why...
that's it. i just don't know why i have to surrender.
the last few days, we always fight and never get along, never imagine about the future that we planned. we never go together again and spend time together. every day there are certain fights.
every fight he's always emotional and easy to hurt himself, and I really hate it.
I think after we promised each other, our problems will be finished and we will not fight anymore. but I was wrong. it is getting worse.
These days I am acting so cold to him, I do not want to do this, but he will always behave as if this all is not serious. I do not know what else to do, he always underestimate me. Now every time I remember what he had done to me, I became very angry again, sad until I cry
but no matter how cold i am, i always love you my squiddy....
i'm so sorry, i love you
every fight he's always emotional and easy to hurt himself, and I really hate it.
I think after we promised each other, our problems will be finished and we will not fight anymore. but I was wrong. it is getting worse.
These days I am acting so cold to him, I do not want to do this, but he will always behave as if this all is not serious. I do not know what else to do, he always underestimate me. Now every time I remember what he had done to me, I became very angry again, sad until I cry
but no matter how cold i am, i always love you my squiddy....
i'm so sorry, i love you
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
midlife holiday crisis
hello! looks like i'm alone here. although usually my mobile phone flashing signs Incoming Message from Rafi. but not tonight. also, yesterday night. i'm just saying.
a little review
5 days ago
Rafi said,"i'm sorry but i will keep sending you a message, i promise"
and then i said,"and i always keep calling you there okay"
4 days ago
Rafi started getting restless and frustrated because he has to go in the next day
and i said,"it's just a week, no problem okay?"
and then Rafi said,"it's not 'just'. it is a long time"
3 days ago
Rafi said,"i really don't wanna go, i just want to see you" (you means me actually)
and i said,"it's gonna be okay, I promise this week will go fast"
2 days ago
Rafi is on his way and said,"i miss you!"
yesterday night
Rafi said,"i cannot reach the signal, i'm sorry. but how can i talk to you?"
and i said,"i don't know, i'm confused"
and then i sent him a text but not delivered anymore
tonight
the telephone operator said,"Please wait, your calls are diverted to another number." or this,"sorry, the number you are calling is busy", or even this, "Please wait, the number you are calling is making calls to another number".
and then i sent him a message and i just received a delivery report.
and i said, "DAMN, peoples changed easily"
and now...
he said, "i'm sorry i overslept"
and he..........called me and i picked it up
sorry, we're just young and restless kid
Regards,
RafiDzakir's
Sunday, September 12, 2010
bad holiday
hai guys, after post that is not understood yesterday, sekarang semakin sedih lagi nih. kan ulang tahun gue minggu besok nih ya haduh cedih cekali rafi mau hijrah seminggu atau bahkan bolos sekolah beberapa hari ke padang huhuhuhu oh my god sedih banget loh itu padahal rencananya kan pengen ketemu huahauhauahuah
tp sih yaudah lah, padahal sih si gurita itu juga gak pengen ikut tp dipaksa jadi yaudahlah eh iya, gue sedang menunggu rafi nih, mau otp heheheheheh seneng banget denger suara si gurita itu. walaupun dibalik telpon suara yang keluar suara om om tp it's the most beautiful sound that makes me calm and happy, i love you squiddy
uuuuu miss you banget squiddy
eh iya gue sangat khawatir dengan ulang tahun gue tahun ini yang mungkin akan saaaaaaaaaangat membosankan. selain karena tak ada papa, tak ada rafi, terus libur jadi gak bisa ketemu temen temen juga parah parah parah huhuhuhu terus pada inget gak ya kalo minggu bsk gue ulang tahun? huhuhu sedih niiiii
eh udah dulu deh ya mau otp nihhhh hahahahha bye bye
tp sih yaudah lah, padahal sih si gurita itu juga gak pengen ikut tp dipaksa jadi yaudahlah eh iya, gue sedang menunggu rafi nih, mau otp heheheheheh seneng banget denger suara si gurita itu. walaupun dibalik telpon suara yang keluar suara om om tp it's the most beautiful sound that makes me calm and happy, i love you squiddy
uuuuu miss you banget squiddy
eh iya gue sangat khawatir dengan ulang tahun gue tahun ini yang mungkin akan saaaaaaaaaangat membosankan. selain karena tak ada papa, tak ada rafi, terus libur jadi gak bisa ketemu temen temen juga parah parah parah huhuhuhu terus pada inget gak ya kalo minggu bsk gue ulang tahun? huhuhu sedih niiiii
eh udah dulu deh ya mau otp nihhhh hahahahha bye bye
Regards,
RafiDzakir's
Saturday, September 11, 2010
03.00am
gue nulis ini di jam tiga pagi, saat gue udah bener bener sendirian. dan yang ada di otak gue sekarang cuma kalimat "I guess I hoped I might die soon" gak ada lagi yang lain
setelah gue tau dan gue sadar gue emang anak manja yang aneh dan nyebelin, gue tau gue gak boleh bawa pengaruh buruk lagi buat siapapun yang ada luar sana. which actually, has just four months passed, I have changed most of his life so much harder than usual
dan sepertinya mulai sekarang harus gue yang usaha sendiri. buat berubah jadi anak baik yang gak tau apa apa deh. yang yaudahlah.... pasrah aja. yang kalo emang darisananya udah begitu yaudahlah.
udah gak bisa diitung lagi air mata yang gue keluarin malem ini. liat aja tissue nya kalo bisa. gue punya satu kantong sendiri buat tisu bekas air mata gue. when only said good night, my tears still not able to stop. although already haha heheh on msn but I'm still typing while crying
jadi mungkin yang bener sekarang, gue cuma butuh mati kali ya. this is sooo not my day, not my month, not my year actually.
jadi bakal jadi apa ulang tahun gue? orang termuna didunia juga bakal bilang "gue kecewa banget elo gak bakal ada disaat ulang tahun pertama gue yang gue pengen itu ada elo yang berpartisipasi didalamnya."
jadi yaudahlah mau diapain lagikan.... harus pas????? rah..... gak boleh terlalu banyak mau, harus apa adanya lah skarang
itu aja deh, gue cuma pengen bilang, i hate holiday. diem dirumah, gak ketemu orang orang yang seharusnya gue temuin dan gak melakukan apa-apa. yang gini gini nih... begadang doang paling, dan bahkan gue benci kali ya sama lebaran, semenjak........gak ada bokap gue
jadi intinya apa dong? balik lagi ke bulan bulan yang lalu, gue cuma butuh bokap gue
semoga yang anak yatim kayak gue bisa ngerasain deh rasanya hidup gak punya bapak padahal rasanya masih butuuuuh banget. i miss you daddy
setelah gue tau dan gue sadar gue emang anak manja yang aneh dan nyebelin, gue tau gue gak boleh bawa pengaruh buruk lagi buat siapapun yang ada luar sana. which actually, has just four months passed, I have changed most of his life so much harder than usual
dan sepertinya mulai sekarang harus gue yang usaha sendiri. buat berubah jadi anak baik yang gak tau apa apa deh. yang yaudahlah.... pasrah aja. yang kalo emang darisananya udah begitu yaudahlah.
udah gak bisa diitung lagi air mata yang gue keluarin malem ini. liat aja tissue nya kalo bisa. gue punya satu kantong sendiri buat tisu bekas air mata gue. when only said good night, my tears still not able to stop. although already haha heheh on msn but I'm still typing while crying
jadi mungkin yang bener sekarang, gue cuma butuh mati kali ya. this is sooo not my day, not my month, not my year actually.
jadi bakal jadi apa ulang tahun gue? orang termuna didunia juga bakal bilang "gue kecewa banget elo gak bakal ada disaat ulang tahun pertama gue yang gue pengen itu ada elo yang berpartisipasi didalamnya."
jadi yaudahlah mau diapain lagikan.... harus pas????? rah..... gak boleh terlalu banyak mau, harus apa adanya lah skarang
itu aja deh, gue cuma pengen bilang, i hate holiday. diem dirumah, gak ketemu orang orang yang seharusnya gue temuin dan gak melakukan apa-apa. yang gini gini nih... begadang doang paling, dan bahkan gue benci kali ya sama lebaran, semenjak........gak ada bokap gue
jadi intinya apa dong? balik lagi ke bulan bulan yang lalu, gue cuma butuh bokap gue
semoga yang anak yatim kayak gue bisa ngerasain deh rasanya hidup gak punya bapak padahal rasanya masih butuuuuh banget. i miss you daddy
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